During this period, she never shed a single tear. She showed no expression at all, day or night, and didn't even take a sip of water.
After the vigil ended, she fainted from exhaustion due to not having drunk anything.
Sheng Sibai's body was sent for cremation. After discussion, Sheng Yan and Feng Qing decided to wait for Jian Jiaojiao to wake up before deciding where to bury the eldest brother.
After all, the eldest brother was most reluctant to part with Jian Jiaojiao before he passed away. Naturally, they should wait for Jian Jiaojiao to see it with her own eyes before the burial.
Jian Jiaojiao had a continuous low - grade fever and lay in the hospital bed for a full two days before waking up. The first thing she said to Feng Qing when she woke up was, "Where's Sheng Sibai?"
"His body has been cremated. We'll bury him after you wake up."
Jian Jiaojiao blinked and stared blankly at the ceiling. Her pale lips opened and closed, and her voice was very soft. "It seems like a dream."
"I always thought I'd be entangled with him for many years. If not for decades, at least half of my life."
"Until now, I've really spent half of my life on him, but he had known me for less than three years."
"Three years is too short. It seems to have passed in the blink of an eye."
"He seems not to have really known me, and then he left me forever."
Jian Jiaojiao kept talking, and Feng Qing never interrupted her. It was not until she felt that Jian Jiaojiao might be tired that she took an envelope out of her bag and put it in her hand.
"This is from Sheng Sibai."
After saying that, Feng Qing walked out of the ward.
Twenty minutes later, cries rang out in the ward. From soft to loud, just listening to the sound made one feel heart - rending.
Feng Qing sat on the bench and slowly closed her eyes.
The wind blew across her face. It seemed to be able to take away the pain, but also seemed to be deepening it.
Jian Jiaojiao slowly opened the envelope and took out Sheng Sibai's personal letter. There were several full pages, and it was obvious that he had spent a lot of time on it and had a lot to say.
Jian Jiaojiao, who had not shed a tear since she learned of his death, couldn't hold back her tears when she saw the beginning of the letter.
-
My beloved Jiaojiao:
By the time you read this letter, I'm probably no longer in this world.
I'm so sorry that I left this world before I could make up for you. Leaving you alone in this world to hate me is truly my fault.
Perhaps this is God's punishment for me. He made me pay the price for my past self and made me understand how big a mistake I had made.
The first time I saw you at Mark Manor, you always seemed very guilty. I didn't understand why at that time, but recently I suddenly remembered.
The number eleven on the football field and you, the enthusiastic girl wearing glasses off the field.
I'm sorry it took me so long to remember. If I hadn't secretly gone to the wedding that day and then accidentally hit my head, perhaps that memory would have been forever sealed in my mind.
I remember that you always held up the school team's sign in the front row and shouted with full energy every time. Maybe there were also a few shouts of "Go, number eleven" mixed in those cries.
I also remember that you once pushed through the crowd to hand me a bottle of water. I never said anything at that time, but I want to tell you that I heard you say "Go". And after all these years, I can finally say "Thank you" to you.
Thank you for having given so much to me at that time. Thank you for never changing your mind over the years.
On the day of Xiaoyan's wedding, I saw you crying. I thought you were probably crying for your good friend, not because you had met me, a heartless man.
But Jiaojiao, how I wish that wedding could have been ours.
Even if I couldn't be the groom, if my health hadn't deteriorated again, I would have asked Feng Qing for permission to wear the best - man's suit and be a proper "match" with you in front of everyone.
But I couldn't.
Jiaojiao, I'll never be able to put a wedding dress on you. I can't even stand properly beside you.
Maybe you saw me that day. I was so timid that I was afraid you'd see me in this state, so I was eager to escape.
I didn't even say a proper goodbye to you.
In the end, I can only use this way to save a little bit of my face. You'll be very angry that you can't scold me now, right?
Jiaojiao, I'm sorry.
If time could turn back, I think I'd definitely want to go back to high school.
The number eleven who was blessed by you could walk side by side with you, instead of being so far away from you.
But now, we're destined to be far apart.
I hope you won't shed tears for me or be sad because of my death.
Counting the time, our child should be one year old by now. Do you think, when the child sees me, will he/she be willing to call me "Dad"?
Maybe not. The child should hate me, just like you.
But you can rest assured. The child won't be alone anymore. I'll accompany him/her.
The only thing I can't let go of in this world is you. I know you're not short of money, but I'm afraid that when you're alone in this world, you'll inevitably be bullied. So I've transferred all my property to you. You're the sole heir of those things.
With that property, whether you want to live the rest of your life in peace or find some handsome young men, it's all up to you. But I have a little request. Can they not be as handsome as me?
Haha, just joking with you. I'll let you decide how to spend the rest of your life.
But Jiaojiao, I only have one wish.
I just hope you won't forget me.
It was not until I was about to die that I realized how lucky Sheng Sibai was to be loved by you. No matter how regretful I am, I know that time can't turn back. But if Jian Jiaojiao no longer loves Sheng Sibai, then Sheng Sibai is no longer Sheng Sibai.
I don't expect you to still love me. I just beg you not to forget me. Or forget me a little later, okay?
The only person I've ever loved in my life is Jian Jiaojiao. The only regret is that I don't have a few more decades to love her and accompany her.
So Jiaojiao, I beg you. Please fulfill this last wish of a dead man.
I know you'll scold me. It's okay. I'll make it up to you in the next life.
I've heard that the living are the most painful ones. I don't want you to be in pain. Just thinking that you'll be in pain because of my death makes me afraid to die. I probably hope for a miracle more than any dying person in this world, but such a miracle probably won't happen to me.
Please believe that I'm more painful now than at any other time. It turns out that when you have someone in your heart, you don't want to die and are afraid to die.
But, I can only go this far.
I can't accompany you any longer. I hope you can forgive me.
I love you, Jiaojiao.
In the next life, I think I'll still be that number eleven. But I'll definitely be the number eleven who walks to your side.
-
The paper was crumpled, and many words were blurred by tears. Jian Jiaojiao wiped the tears on the blurred words. As she wiped, she couldn't hold back her sobs any longer.
"Sheng Sibai! I hate you!!"