Hearing this, Ji Siyue subconsciously slowed down her steps so that she could listen attentively to the voice on the phone.
"What's the matter?"
"You'll know when you come."
"Okay, then where are you now? Tell me and I'll come find you."
The address Qin Chengyao gave Ji Siyue was the rooftop of a teaching building in their school. Usually, few people would go there. At first, Ji Siyue had no idea what he was up to.
Finally, after hurrying there, sure enough, he was the only one on the rooftop.
"I'm here."
Hearing this, Qin Chengyao turned around. Seeing Ji Siyue out of breath from running so hard, he walked up to her and gave a gentle smile.
"Why did you run so fast?"
"I was afraid you'd get impatient waiting," Ji Siyue said, bending over and gasping for breath. "I was also afraid of delaying the thing you wanted me to help with. Now that I'm here, can you tell me what it is you want me to help with, senior?"
"It's nothing much. I just want you to listen to something. First, calm your breathing down."
"Okay, okay, okay, okay!"
Ji Siyue squatted on the ground, then rubbed her nose and stood up, looking at Qin Chengyao.
"Now you can say it."
"Okay. First, go sit over there."
Qin Chengyao helped Ji Siyue to sit down. Then he started pacing slowly in front of her, as if thinking about how to say what he wanted to say.
After thinking for a while, as if he'd thought of something, he suddenly lowered his head and smiled. His gaze fixed on Ji Siyue was extremely gentle. "Actually, I'd already thought about what to say before you came. But when I saw you, all the words I'd prepared in my mind disappeared. Since that's the case, I'll just say what's on my mind."
This time, Ji Siyue didn't interrupt him. She just looked at him intently with her eyes raised.
"Actually, in these two years, I've also wondered if my feelings for you were a bit too morbid. After all, after what happened, an ordinary person would probably cut their losses in time. But I'm different. My obsession just got deeper. My roommates all think that you healed me. But actually, I don't think you ever did. I was just under your light and willing to touch the sunlight. But I never left the abyss. I'm still that little boy from the morning of sophomore year in high school who could only be bullied..."
Ji Siyue listened quietly, a bit confused about what he was trying to say.
But even so, she still didn't interrupt. She endured the doubts in her heart and watched him, letting him continue at his own pace.
"Just like this, I finally waited for you again. I got closer to you little by little, always doing some intimate things with you and saying some intimate words. I just wanted you to fall in love with me again and then abandon you mercilessly. But I don't know when, I even forgot the words'revenge you'. It's as if the only reason I got close to you was to make you like me again. It was so simple and so beautiful..."
This time, Ji Siyue seemed to understand what he was trying to say.
This long speech seemed to be his inner monologue.
"... Senior, what's the main point you're trying to make?"
"There's no main point. I just want to tell you what's on my mind. Siyue, I'm confessing. I'm confessing the dark thoughts I once had in my heart. I want to apologize to you."
"Are you done?" Ji Siyue suddenly asked calmly.
Qin Chengyao closed his eyes and sighed. He was as calm as a prisoner waiting quietly for judgment after confessing his sins. "I'm done."
"Then it's my turn to speak now, right?"
Hearing this, Qin Chengyao opened his eyes.
"You can speak."
Ji Siyue stood up. Imitating the way he'd just done, she paced back and forth on the spot, but her eyes never left that person.
"You've told me about the sins you once had in your heart. Maybe in your eyes, these are all about confessing your own sins. But in my eyes, these are just the most ordinary and simplest emotions in a person's heart. There's no need for the word 'confession' at all."
"But I once thought about getting you and then dumping you."
"But you didn't in the end. You finally forgot what you originally wanted to do because you liked me. Senior, to be honest, I'm not surprised at all that you told me these things. Instead, I'm very happy. Because it's only at this moment that I finally feel that your existence is... how should I put it? A very special existence to me. Senior, I want to tell you that thank you for still being willing to like me. Really, really thank you."
Qin Chengyao said it was because of her that he stood in the sunlight, but it was also because of her that he almost fell back into the abyss. But Ji Siyue didn't think she had that much power.
He liked her if he liked her and resented her if he resented her. There was no need to link it to his illness.
Ji Siyue remembered what Bai Yu had said to her in the coffee shop today. She mustered up the courage and stepped forward, saying,
"Senior, after we've both said so much to each other, are you still willing to like me?"
"Siyue, you're still too naive. Can't you understand what I mean by saying so much?"
Ji Siyue: "Huh?"
Was there something wrong with her comprehension ability? She thought she and Qin Chengyao were on the same wavelength.
"When a prisoner confesses his sins, he's actually praying constantly in his heart. This is a line from a foreign novel. I liked this novel very much in high school. I even told you about it once. Maybe you don't remember it. Well, I'll explain the meaning again now."
Saying this, Qin Chengyao walked up to Ji Siyue and bent down slightly to look at her.
Since the distance between them got closer, the ambiguity grew exponentially.
Ji Siyue seemed a bit at a loss with his sudden approach, but she didn't lose her composure. At most, her face just blushed slightly.
"In that novel, after the prisoner confessed his sins, the priest forgave him. Then he always did what he thought were good deeds to atone for his sins formally. Now I'm formally asking you, Ji Siyue, can I start atoning for my sins to you?"