Lu Yan had been haunted by the same dream for fifteen long years.
He had once mused in the freezing snow of the northern lands and stood motionless for ages, gazing in the direction of Lige City.
Fifteen years of hidden longing had been locked away in his burning heart, simmering like red beans, bitter yet sweet. He had thought love was like spilled water, impossible to retrieve, but fate had taken an unexpected turn. Now, in his embrace, he held the seasons of his life.
As the saying goes, what you keep in mind will surely find its way back to you.
Lu Yan looked down at Shen Qingfeng, who was lying docilely on his chest. In that moment, the arduous years of the past seemed to be compressed by an invisible force, leaving behind only a speck of sediment beneath the clear surface.
After an unknown amount of time, Shen Qingfeng seemed to have grown tired of lying there. He coughed softly and slowly sat up straight. He averted his gaze, his ears tinged with a faint blush.
Perhaps due to the fever, Lu Yan's body was burning hot, as if it could warm Shen Qingfeng's very soul.
Feeling two intense gazes fixed on him, Shen Qingfeng felt a bit uncomfortable.
"I'll go get your medicine," he blurted out, not daring to look at the man on the bed, and quickly left the room.
Lu Yan was actually quite domineering. As the fearsome general on the northern battlefield and the prince of the northern lands, he was decisive and had a unique air of arrogance. However, even he had been powerless against the power of love.
Perhaps because he had once thought his love would end in vain, he had kept Shen Qingfeng at a distance, only watching him silently. But now that Shen Qingfeng was within his reach, as he had planned, he would never let go.
He would tie this man to himself and make him his completely.
He could wait, no matter how long it took. Shen Qingfeng was his for the taking.
So Lu Yan reached out and grabbed Shen Qingfeng's hand again, pulling the man holding the medicine bowl down to his level. He looked deeply into Shen Qingfeng's eyes and said, "Shen Qingfeng, I feel so uncomfortable all over. Will you feed me?"
Shen Qingfeng was taken aback. Looking at Lu Yan's hand, which showed no sign of weakness, he silently glared at the man.
Undeterred, Lu Yan turned up his acting skills, furrowing his eyebrows and pleading, "Shen Qingfeng, Qingfeng..."
Shen Qingfeng was not oblivious to Lu Yan's affection. In his memory, he had had very little contact with Lu Yan in his previous life. The passage of time had blurred his memories, and he only vaguely remembered some interactions when they were young and studying in the Bian Palace. After that, they had gone their separate ways.
But now, he had naturally accepted the change in Lu Yan's attitude towards him. He stared at Lu Yan for a while, then sat down on the edge of the bed with the bowl in his hands. He blew on the medicine in the bowl, scooped up a spoonful, blew on it gently, and then held it to Lu Yan's lips.
Lu Yan was completely entranced. He looked at Shen Qingfeng's face and slowly opened his mouth, taking the bitter medicine into his mouth.
"Is it bitter?" Shen Qingfeng lowered his eyes. He took back the spoon, stirred it in the bowl, his words carrying a double meaning.
"It's not bitter," Lu Yan said, looking at him. One hand slowly wrapped around Shen Qingfeng's back and gently pulled him closer.
Shen Qingfeng paused for a moment and glared at Lu Yan again. Lu Yan pursed his lips and reluctantly withdrew his hand.
Shen Qingfeng scooped up another spoonful. "Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice Festival. King Jie has specially prepared a banquet for you. Will you go?"
Lu Yan was a bit intimidated by Shen Qingfeng's glare and quickly pushed aside his distracting thoughts. He collected himself and replied, "Since it's a banquet specially prepared by the king for me, of course I'll go."
Shen Qingfeng reminded him, "My lord, you can't say that outside. Although everyone knows it's a welcome banquet to celebrate your victory in quelling the rebellion in the seven northern states, King Jie is just using the Winter Solstice Festival as an excuse. He wants to reward you, but he's also concerned about the other princes' feelings."
Lu Yan nodded. "I understand. I only say this in front of you."
Shen Qingfeng quickly scooped up another spoonful of medicine and stuffed it into Lu Yan's mouth.
"My lord, now that you've come to Lige City, who will lead the northern troops?" Shen Qingfeng asked.
There was a hint of a smile in Lu Yan's eyes. "Qingfeng, are you testing me?"
Shen Qingfeng just smiled and didn't say a word.
Lu Yan burst out laughing. "Don't worry. I have my trusted subordinates. The northern lands won't fall into chaos."
Shen Qingfeng whispered, "My lord, have you thought about how long it will be before you can return to the north?"
This question was actually quite presumptuous. Although Shen Qingfeng seemed like an outsider, he knew King Jie's intentions better than anyone else. The northern lands were constantly at war with the foreign tribes, and most of the military power in Lixia was under Lu Yan's command. Moreover, Lu Yan was King Jie's cousin. A ruler always feared losing control of the military. In the court, King Jie couldn't openly strip Lu Yan of his power, so he had summoned Lu Yan to the capital for a reason.
Lu Yan's expression darkened. He looked at Shen Qingfeng, who was sitting on the edge of the bed after feeding him the medicine. He reached out and grabbed Shen Qingfeng's clothes, then gently traced his hand along Shen Qingfeng's arm until their fingers intertwined.
Lu Yan sighed and tightened his grip on Shen Qingfeng's hand. "Qingfeng, I understand what you mean. But as a subject with military power, it's natural for the king to have concerns."
"As for when I can return..." Lu Yan paused for a moment. "It depends on the king's arrangement. But I, Lu Yan, am loyal to the royal family. As long as the northern lands are in my hands, the northern border of Lixia will be safe."
Once Lu Yan entered Lige City, his life and death were in King Jie's hands. Both Shen Qingfeng and Lu Yan were well aware of this.
Among the five principalities in Lixia, Lu Yan was both the most trusted and the most distrusted person by King Jie.
He was King Jie's cousin. Blood was thicker than water, but at the same time, the royal blood flowing in Lu Yan's veins also gave him a reason to overthrow King Jie and ascend the throne himself.
Lu Yan's father, Lu Jiang, had died when Lu Yan was still young. At that time, Lu Yan was studying in Lige City. Unexpectedly, the Donghu tribe from the far north suddenly launched an attack. The southwestern and eastern principalities were too weak to resist, so Lu Jiang had to lead his troops into battle. Unfortunately, he had fallen into a trap and finally committed suicide by jumping into the river with his men. Since King Jie had always been fond of his cousin, he didn't take back the northern lands after Lu Jiang's death. Instead, he allowed the young Lu Yan to inherit the title of Marquis of the Northern Border and later granted him a large amount of military power. But they said a young wolf could never be tamed. In fact, King Jie had always been on guard against Lu Yan.
Although Lu Yan was grateful to King Jie for not holding him accountable and remained loyal to the royal family, he should have noticed long ago that King Jie didn't fully trust him. But since King Jie hadn't done anything yet, Lu Yan had gradually put this thought out of his mind. Even Shen Qingfeng had thought the same way back then.
But serving a king was like living with a tiger. "King Jie actually wants to kill Lu Yan." It was only in his previous life that Shen Qingfeng had come to understand this.
Since things hadn't reached that point yet, Shen Qingfeng couldn't tell Lu Yan about the future. Since Lu Yan was aware of the situation, a smart man like him must have already considered a solution.
Thinking of this, Shen Qingfeng didn't say anything else. The sky had darkened again. As evening approached, it was time for Shen Qingfeng to go home.
Despite his fever, Lu Yan stubbornly insisted on seeing Shen Qingfeng off to the gate of the Marquis's Mansion.
It was the New Year's Eve, and Shen Qingfeng had to go home. Lu Yan stood in front of the carriage, looking at Shen Qingfeng, who was struggling to climb into the carriage. He reached out and gently lifted Shen Qingfeng's buttocks.
Shen Qingfeng let out a soft cry and quickly climbed into the carriage. Then he pulled open the curtain and glared at Lu Yan, his face slightly flushed.
Lu Yan felt much better. "Go home and spend time with your family."
"Don't bother yourself, my lord," Shen Qingfeng said coldly.
Looking at Shen Qingfeng's pouting face, Lu Yan bent down slightly and leaned towards the window of the carriage. "Qingfeng."
"Yes?"
"Happy New Year."
Shen Qingfeng was stunned. He slowly lowered his head and murmured, "You too."
Shen Qingfeng's voice was very soft, with a hint of shyness. Lu Yan studied Shen Qingfeng's face. In that moment, an inexplicable impulse welled up in his heart.
He wanted to kiss him, possess him, and make this man stay by his side for the rest of his life.
Lu Yan took a deep breath and suddenly grabbed Shen Qingfeng's wrist. "Qingfeng, I love you."
Shen Qingfeng stared at him with wide eyes.
Lu Yan smiled brightly. "You'll fall in love with me."