After buying the medicine, Feng Yu got into the car.
Mu Shiyan drove the car and took her to a place that was both familiar and strange to her.
Feng Yu grabbed the seat belt and stared out of the window.
Before her mother passed away, she often took Feng Yu along this road.
But after her mother's accident, Feng Yu had never been on this road again.
"Do you know? I truly hated you to the core when I was nineteen," Mu Shiyan suddenly said while driving.
Feng Yu tightly grasped the seat belt, her eyes not dropping.
Mu Shiyan's eyes were damaged when he was nineteen.
"You'll never know how I got through that period," Mu Shiyan said. The lights flashed by one after another outside the car, while his eyes were as cold as a frigid pool, exuding a chill and desolation.
"I never knew that falling from grace could be so miserable. Since I went blind, I became a useless person in the Mu family. Not only did my parents dislike me, but even the clan elders despised me. Moreover, even my friends thought that a blind man like me couldn't inherit the Mu family's business, so they all drifted away from me one by one."
Mu Shiyan's voice choked up. "All these are nothing, but what hurt me the most was you. I don't hate you for what you did to me, but why did you, like others, keep me at arm's length?"
"I'm sorry..."
Feng Yu clenched the seat belt so tightly that her nails were almost digging into her flesh.
Feng Qingsheng and the others used to tease her younger brother, tricking him into imitating a puppy, making him wag his head and tail on the ground before giving him food.
They even made him eat the "flour" in the basin. In a fit of anger, Feng Yu directly overturned the basin.
But who would have known that there was no flour in the basin at all, but lime!
The basin was overturned, and the lime spilled down from the second floor.
Coincidentally, Mu Shiyan was standing downstairs.
It all seemed pre - arranged. Mu Shiyan was right downstairs, Feng Qingsheng fought with her for the basin, and she was pushed to the edge of the balcony by Feng Qingsheng.
That's why Mu Shiyan had hated her because of this incident ever since.
No matter how she explained later, it was of no use.
After that, her younger brother got sick, and she didn't have the energy to inquire about Mu Shiyan's situation. Even though she had asked He Xinlan and her father about Mu Shiyan's situation more than once.
However, no one told her.
"Sorry? What good does sorry do? During the time when I was blind, I lived a life worse than a dog. Do you know what a world without sight is like? It's all darkness. I even almost thought that I would spend the rest of my life in the dark."
Mu Shiyan sneered mockingly, and the corners of his eyes were a bit moist.
The pain in his eyes was nothing. More than that, he was heart - broken.
He had experienced all the coldness of human relationships.
"I so hoped that the one taking care of me by my side was you, not Feng Qingsheng."
Feng Yu bit her lips and couldn't say a word.
This memory was unbearable for both him and herself.
"Brother Shiyan... I'm sorry."
Feng Yu looked at him, her voice a bit choked.
She didn't know what kind of life he had been through, nor did she know how much pain he had endured during that period.
She held his hand, trying to give him a little warmth. "I'm sorry."
"I even bought the medicine. I remember that day very clearly. It was raining heavily outside the window. The rain was really heavy. I took quite a few sleeping pills. I really wanted to end everything that night. That period was the most painful time for me."
When Mu Shiyan said this, the hand holding the steering wheel tightened involuntarily. He swallowed hard, took a deep breath and said, "After taking the medicine, I stood on the balcony. The cold rain was beating on my face. Even at the last moment, I wanted to see you. I wanted to hear you call me Brother Shiyan one more time. But... you didn't answer. I dialed your number again and again, and you rejected me again and again."
Feng Yu's heart tightened.
That night, she was busy with her younger brother's affairs and had no idea what had happened to him.
"I'm sorry, Brother Shiyan. It's all my fault. Please stop talking. I'm sorry..." Feng Yu bit her lips and apologized again and again.
It seemed that a proud person like Mu Shiyan couldn't bear the gossips.
That kind of pain must have been bone - chilling.
Mu Shiyan glanced at her. The mist in his eyes gradually dissipated, and finally turned cold and heartless.
"However, God didn't want to take me. Finally, I was found and taken to have my stomach pumped. Good news also came one after another. My eyes could be treated."
It was obviously good news.
But Feng Yu couldn't see any trace of joy on his face.
On the contrary, there was only hatred and coldness.
She shivered.
No wonder he hated her so much after he came back.
No wonder the person who used to stand in front of her and her younger brother to protect them now stood on Feng Qingsheng's side.
No matter how they teased and bullied her, he not only didn't help but hated her even more.
It seemed that he really hated her to the core.
"I know that some words are a bit late to say now. But Mu Shiyan, I've never done anything to be sorry for you. Some things are hard to explain, but I always feel that there's another conspiracy behind them. I've experienced both the heights and the lows. I'm very sorry that I couldn't be with you when you were at your lowest, because I had my younger brother to take care of. After my mother died, my younger brother was my only one. If my younger brother died, I would have no more attachment to this world."
Feng Yu said slowly.
Mu Shiyan was silent for a while. His deep eyes swept over the place where she was holding his hand, and there was a mocking smile on his lips. "I really hate you so much that I wish you could die right in front of me."
Feng Yu withdrew her hand. He continued, "But I can't bear to let you die. I want you to experience all the pain I've endured. I want you to live with guilt for the rest of your life."
Yes.
He was such a person.
A few years ago, when she apologized to him again and again.
He said the same thing. He said that he hated her, but he wouldn't let her die. He would only torture her and make her life a living hell.
Feng Yu withdrew her gaze, and her heart froze again.
The car stopped in front of a deserted villa.
Mu Shiyan unbuckled his seat belt, got out of the car, and walked towards the house.
Feng Yu followed behind him. Every plant here was exactly the same as it was ten years ago.
Even the swing at the door was still there. When she was a child, she liked to sit on it and let Mu Shiyan push her.
At that time, she liked this warm and sunny elder brother so much.
Mu Shiyan entered the house and turned on the lights. He glanced at the girl standing at the door and said, "Although I don't live here anymore, I've always had someone clean it. It won't dirty you. Come in."
Feng Yu bit her lips. She didn't hesitate to come in because she was afraid of getting dirty.
Instead, this house was filled with too many memories.
The room was really clean and comfortable. All the decorations were the same as before, and the furniture was still very simple.
There was still a painting she drew when she was a child hanging on the wall.
Feng Yu walked in front of the painting and was lost in thought for a moment...